De-Escalate, Four Principles to Avoid Violence

I learned how to de-escalate situations on the job. One of my many security jobs was for a club called ‘El Sombrero’ in Colton California. The head of security was a guy well into his sixties, that wasn’t in very good shape. One night he threw two gang bangers out of the club for selling cocaine. These two guys got upset and returned with four of their friends. We were warned by outside security in the parking lot.

My boss and I were the only armed security guards. We approached the gang bangers outside the club. They all pulled up their shirts to display their guns. I had seen a lot of combat, but never been in a gun fight where my opponent was less than five feet away.

My boss used the four following principlwa and we all just walked away. That night I realized that the old guy could (and did) teach me a lot. Use these four principles to de-escalate a situation

1) Don't Insult


2) Don't Challenge


3) Don't Deny It's Happening


4) Allow a Face Saving Exit

I have seen fights start over some of the most stupid things. Some minor incident becomes violent because these four rules aren’t obeyed. Don’t try to be big and bad, someone may have to correct your perception.

Don't Insult Him

The word 'Mother****er' plays no part in de-escalation. Neither does B’ach, Homo, Nig**, etc. you get the idea. If you’re not black don’t refer to a black guy as ‘Bro’, it will come off as condescending, if they don’t know you. Don’t try to relate to the other persons race or socio-economic background. Just politely be yourself.

Don't Challenge Him

Whatcha going to do -------? Fill in the blank, hit me, stab me, shoot me. Yes people actually make statements like this. And yes they get hit, stabbed and shot.

Don't Deny It's Happening

Violence is a rare. Even in lifestyles where violence is common, violence doesn't happen 24/7. People who are in denial tell themselves that a person will not react physically to what they say or do. Because they are in denial they violate the first two rules.

Allow a Face Saving Exit

I cannot stress enough how important it is to: Let them back away with some semblance of pride! This is one of the most common mistakes people make. What's worse is that until this rule is violated, violence was not going to happen. You’ve seen it, as a guy walks away the other guy mocks him “ Yea, I thought so!, and then the fight starts.

And if you don't feel that you can allow someone to save face and back away, then don't come crying to me when someone rams a knife into your gut.